Dealing with Grief

In September of 2019 my older brother passed away. We knew it was coming as he was dealing with cancer but nothing really prepares you for that moment. That moment when the breathing stops and you get the text message. That moment when you know you can’t talk to him again.

Telling my kids that their uncle was gone was hard. Working through the pain with my mom and my sisters was hard. Working through the pain with my niece and nephews and sister-in-law was hard. But here’s the thing. In all of that, in all the planning and travel and talking to people I never took the time to actually grieve myself.

Yes I cried at the funeral and had moments of pain along the way. But I still needed to grieve and process things for myself. If you’ve ever lost a loved one you know what I’m talking about. I listened to wise counsel from a dear friend and started seeing a counselor. And it was such a blessing! The ability to process my pain, talk to someone, listen to others who have been through this, and look for ways to move forward.

This is by no means a list or a way to tell people to just move on. You never fully move on from the loss of a loved one. There are still days I pick up my phone to call him. It will always be there beneath the surface. But, I do believe one way that has helped me grieve and process all of this is by focusing on his legacy. What would my brother want me to be doing? How can I best honor him by living?

My brother spent hundreds of hours at my hometown’s Little League park. Coaching, mowing, helping the program grow. He was always there, always working, always smiling and laughing with others. Driving kids back and forth to games, paying for burgers, just being a friend to others. That’s who he was. We wanted to honor that and honor his legacy. So, we were able to put this sign up to help us remember. To help us grieve. To honor him and his life.

I think about him everyday. Sometimes it makes me cry and that’s ok. But lately it has made me motivated. Made me want to work, to be a better husband, to be a better father, and enjoy the moments I have with my family. I used to think about whether my older brother would be proud of me. It was something that used to consume me as I made my way through life. But now, now I know he’s proud of me. I know he lived life to the fullest and I’m proud of him too. I’m thankful he’s my brother. I’m carrying that legacy forward as best I can.